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The Science of First Dates

Show interest if you're the least bit attracted.

Despite the pervasive myth we like to chase after people, the actual dating research paints a different picture: no one wants to date people who play hard to get. There's a world of difference between someone who's less available because . . . Read Keep it Interesting




Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—and Surprising Good—About Feeling Special


Welcome!  I’m delighted to announce that my new book, Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—and Surprising Good—About Feeling Special, (HarperCollins, 2015) is scheduled to hit the shelves in July 2015, and is available to preorder now. 

Rethinking Narcissism addresses the “narcissism epidemic” by illuminating the spectrum of narcissism, ways to control the trait, and why too little of it may be a bad thing. It is the first—and only—book that not only makes the distinction between healthy and unhealthy narcissism, but offers clear, step-by-step guidance on how to promote healthy narcissism in our partners, our children, and ourselves. Readers will learn more than just how to manage and avoid narcissism. They’ll learn how they unwittingly foster unhealthy narcissism—and how to nudge their partners—and their children—towards a kinder, gentler version of “special.”

Among the surprising truths and tools you’ll find in Rethinking Narcissism:

Many people worry they might have to leave their partners when they see signs of narcissism. They’ve given up hope that their boyfriend or girlfriends will ever truly care. But few people realize that empathy-deficits aren’t unique to full-blown narcissists. Many things get in the way of our partner’s capacity to care.  If you know the right approach, you can test out your loved one’s ability to change. Recent studies suggest you might even be able to help reduce their narcissistic habits. Find out which approaches help decrease unhealthy narcissism—and which don’t, so you can finally answer the question: should I stay or should I go?

Narcissists are notoriously exciting at the start of relationships. They’re often reckless and impulsive, and their brash self-confidence seems to be a turn on, according to research. Many people get drawn back to the most narcissistic people because they feel bored with more caring partners. But there are steps you can take to find excitement in a more secure, stable relationship. Discover how to put the power of your desire back in your own hands—and enjoy excitement even without having a narcissist in your life.

Work relationships are among the most important ones we have, keeping our life happy—or making it hell. Narcissists can be the hardest people to work for and with. It’s tempting just to quit. But there are approaches and steps—and questions you can ask— to decide whether or not your situation is as hopeless as it seems.  Find out what they are, and how to survive a narcissistic coworker or boss.

You’ve heard narcissism is on the rise. But is this true? And what does it really mean? And how can we turn the trend around? Learn why empty praise and participation trophies aren’t the biggest problem we face in preventing the widespread arrogance and entitlement that seem to be all around us—and find out what is.

You already know narcissism can wreak havoc in our lives, engendering selfishness, arrogance and even aggression. But did you know it’s possible to have too little narcissism? That some amount of narcissism is healthy—even desirable? You’ll learn not only what causes the worst kinds of narcissism, so you can steer clear of its dangers, but also how to ensure the healthy kind in yourself— and those you love.

Narcissism isn’t an all or none trait. My colleagues and I have been developing a new, researched-backed scale so you can see where you fall in the spectrum. Unlike existing measures, focused only on the dangers of narcissism, this one includes items to help you see how much healthy narcissism you have. With Rethinking Narcissism, you’ll be able to take the test—and find out whether you fall in the healthy or unhealthy range of the spectrum.

You’ll also discover answers to these common questions:

How can we ensure our children don’t become narcissists? What can we do if we’re afraid they already are? Are there parenting approaches that help?

How can you recover after ending a relationship with a narcissist?

What should you do if you think you’re a narcissist?

Are there different kinds of narcissists?

Do social media tools—sites like facebook, myspace, and twitter— cause narcissism?

Narcissism isn’t just a personality trait or a disorder. It’s also an approach to life and love. And once you understand what drives it, you’ll be better prepared to face its dangers—and embrace it’s rewards.

Preorder your copy today to learn practical tips on how to cope with the bad—and recognize the good—in narcissism, whether you see it in your friends, lovers, family members—or yourself. 

Thank you again!

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