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Tips & Advice

The Science of First Dates

Show interest if you're the least bit attracted.

Despite the pervasive myth we like to chase after people, the actual dating research paints a different picture: no one wants to date people who play hard to get. There's a world of difference between someone who's less available because . . . Read Keep it Interesting

The Science of Fair Fights

Eight Fight Busters

Take a timeout. If you feel yourself reaching the boiling point, simply say, "I’m getting too worked up for this to go well, so let's try later." Then go for a run or a walk, or hit a yoga class, or just do deep breathing for 20 minutes. The stress-response makes it hard to think  and can keep you fighting when you normally wouldn’t want to if you felt in a better place. . . . Read Avoiding Fights

 

 

 

Tips & Advice

Romance After Kids

Trying to revive your sex life after childbirth can sometime be anxiety provoking. In studies, some couples may not resume sex for up to a year—and fear’s often a big culprit. 90% of couples are able to resume their sex life by 6 months, but depending on how much post-partum healing needs to be done, it can take even longer. Setting aside these physical considerations, fear is often a big culprit; here are some tips to get back on track. 

Acknowledge the anxiety. People often feel awkward and unsure about initiating sex following the typical lull during and immediately after pregnancy, but they worry they shouldn’t feel this way. It’s common and normal, so don’t feel like you have to hide your anxiety about having sex again; the more you do, the more you’ll probably hide from sex. Most couples feel relieved when one partner can say, “I just feel so awkward. I’m not sure where to begin.” 

Try having sex. That’s right; if you’re both willing to try, nothing helps kick start your sex life like—well, having sex. If you had a great sex life before, you can take comfort that, awkward or not, a least you’re having sex again. If you’re going to try this out—a bold move for some—approach it with the mindset that any sex is good sex, and this is all about getting reacquainted, not rocking each other’s world—at least not yet 

Set the stage. Even if you’ve jumped right in, it’s still important to protect time to be with one other and just reconnect emotionally. Your goal shouldn’t be to have sex; your goal should be to restore intimacy. That means sharing ups and downs and just laughing together, away from crying babies or helpful relatives. That means time to be a couple, alone 

Take the pressure off. You may be tired. You may be anxious. Keep the focus on enjoying time with one another—with clothes, without clothes, in bed or out of bed. If you feel like jumping right in, prepared for whatever that experience brings, then go right ahead. But don’t force yourself. Keep it playful. 

Arouse each other. You know all those movie scenes where one person shares a painful moment and it leads to a kiss? It turns out that talk needn’t be dirty to be sexy. Research suggests that any emotional arousal can enhance feelings of attraction. That means all that sharing about your day—happiness, sadness, triumphs and traumas—can help rekindle the flames. Try this: Sit down together and share one emotional experience from your childhood, happy or sad, in as much detail as possible, focusing on the feelings. Take turns, sitting close, focused on how you feel. Look each other in the eyes (gets the oxytocin flowing, a hormone liked to romance and bonding) See where your feelings take you.