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    The Science of First Dates

    Show interest if you're the least bit attracted.

    Despite the pervasive myth we like to chase after people, the actual dating research paints a different picture: no one wants to date people who play hard to get. There's a world of difference between someone who's less available because . . . Read Keep it Interesting

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    Entries in I statements (4)

    Thursday
    Sep302010

    Jealousy, interrupted.

    It fuels suspense in the greatest novels. It’s a motive for murder. It even has its own color. Jealousy—the green-eyed monster. Taming it’s not easy, but you’ll find it’s a lot easier if you know what keeps it alive (that’s true of a lot of problem behaviors--for more examples, see: Romance on the Road, Part I and Part II, Why Your Neighbor is Your Next True Love, and info on my book about controlling attraction). Dictionary.com defines jealousy as:

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    Thursday
    Sep232010

    An Assertiveness Cheat-Sheet

    Trying to stand up for yourself? Remember your A, B, C’s. I’ve already shared my perspective on the art of saying no. It’s probably one of the most important social skills you can master. But proper assertiveness statements--part of a broader class of assertive communication techniques--tend to come in handy across situations, and along with the gentle limit-setting of a gracefully delivered no, they can help you draw clearer boundaries around your relationships. In the end, everyone benefits from this. You’ll have a much easier time maintaining your integrity, self-esteem and sometimes safety, and your friends, partners, and dates have an easier time getting to know who you really are.

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    Thursday
    Jun242010

    Talk-Free Relationship Fix #10,302: Say No Without Starting Trouble

    (Even more impressive than starting in the 700’s is breaking the 10,000 mark) OK, so this one does require a few words, but not many. For some reason, the last few posts generated curiosity about how to preserve harmony when you just want to say no. It’s true—being able to say no is an important relationship skill, in and of itself, so here are some quick thoughts.

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    Thursday
    Jun172010

    Talk-Free Relationship Fix #735: Catch Your Partner Being Good

    You’re probably already acquainted with “I” statements and assertiveness skills, but did you know there’s a research-proven way to improve your relationship, even at the earliest, dating stage, without any conversation at all? In fact, sometimes it works without anyone having to utter a single word (hint: it’s not hypnosis or subliminal suggestion).

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