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Welcome friends and fans. Thank you for following my work and sharing your feedback. I deeply appreciate the thoughtfulness and gratitude so many of you have conveyed in your comments and messages. I’ve been moved not only by the pain and power of your stories, but the courage you’ve shown in sharing them. I wish I could reply to each of you, at length, but due to the volume of correspondence I receive, I’m no longer able to. But please know that I read all your questions and comments and often address the issues they raise in my articles. One other disclaimer: HIPPA law restricts psychologists from providing therapeutic advice or conducting sensitive conversations through social media or email. I apologize for any inconvenience this might cause. If you’d like to set up a confidential face-to-face, skype, or phone consultation, please call my office: 617-491-1660. You can find fees here. I‘m grateful your interest and support! - Craig Malkin.


Please Tell Me If You See My Kids Doing This

Tuesday, July 21, 2015



Not Your Average Mom recently wrote a popular post urging parents to tell her when her kids are “assholes”—especially when they’re bullies.

And I couldn’t agree more. But I’m not sure most of us have trouble doing that.

We’re pretty quick to jump on egregious behavior in our own or other’s kids—violence, disrespect, and destructiveness—as we should be. If one of my girls hurled a rock at another child’s head, I’d hear about it right away. I’m dead certain of that.

But there’s something else I want to hear from other parents, too. And I’m not quite as sure I will.

Tell me when my kids are being kind.
Tweet: #Parents Tell me when my kids are being kind. - via @DrCraigMalkin 

The moments when they offer a hug to child who's sad, or reach out to a friend who seems lonely, or spontaneously apologize for being assholes (whether they use that word or not).

What we as parents often fail to do is notice when children are affectionate, selfless,  warm, giving, collaborative, respectful--and draw our full attention to it.

I want to feel confident—I want to be certain, in fact— that I can count on other parents to let me know when my kids do something wonderfully touching. Don’t you?

Because that’s what helps them grow up to be kind, considerate adults: people noticing when they try, in big or small ways, to do it as kids.


Sign up for my newsletter, for more tips and advice, as well as information on my book, Rethinking Narcissism, devoted to understanding and coping with narcissism in all its forms, in our friends, lovers, colleagues-and even ourselves.

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After teaching at local universities, Dr. Malkin became a Chief Psychologist at Harvard Medical School’s Cambridge Hospital, in Cambridge Massachusetts, where he instructed interns, residents, and fellows in the theory and practice of psychotherapy. In 2003, he left this position to expand his private practice and continued to supervise and teach for Harvard Medical School’s training program. Read More...


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A Cambridge Psychologist winner of the 2015 Patients' Choice Awards.
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