Blog

How to Overcome Intimacy Fears: Lessons from a Vampire Slayer

2012-03-15T12:35:53Z

The tactics we use to avoid intimacy can make our relationships more fraught and the world seem like an even more dangerous place. So how do we overcome all these fears and truly trust the people we love?

Can Passion and Security Coexist? Reflections on Cronenberg’s "A Dangerous Method"

2011-12-06T14:02:20Z

Once you've built a home, a family, a life together, how do you make sense of the fact that the thrill is–or seems to be–gone? Can passion and security coexist? Or do we inevitably trade excitement for stability when we commit to someone? Do we have to rein in our most powerful impulses to protect the very relationship we've worked so hard to build?

Why You Should be Concerned about Kim Kardashian's Divorce

2011-11-06T18:27:25Z

The press is crying hoax and twitter is–well all atwitter–with jokes about the Kardashian-Humphries divorce. But there's good reason to be concerned, and it has more to do with looking at ourselves in the mirror than pointing the finger at Kim Kardashian for her reckless behavior.

Are You Killing Your Hope for Lasting Love

2011-10-02T18:09:03Z

The end of a romance can be one of the most painful experiences of our lives. Recent studies even suggest that the hurt of romantic rejection lights up the same region of the brain as physical pain. In that sense, our minds see precious little difference between broken hearts and broken limbs. With as much pain as it causes when we open our heart to someone and have it crushed, perhaps the most remarkable thing is that we keep searching for love at all. But is it possible that sometimes the hope for love, itself, can become too frightening? That the cost of losing love far outweighs the potential benefits of finding and keeping it?

When Your Partner's Love Isn't Enough

2011-08-17T13:02:34Z

By the time she had her third panic attack in two weeks, I'd been seeing Paula, a bright, adventurous graduate student from Colombia, for the better part of a year. I was, frankly, puzzled by the episodes. Exploring her earlier history and her present life unearthed no real clues as to why she'd still be suffering such a powerful, persistent feeling of dread. Her daily regimen now included running, weight-training, relaxation exercises, and yoga, and still, even with all her hard work, she constantly battled feelings of overwhelm and fear.

Marriage after Kids

2011-08-16T17:04:38Z

This is my latest post from psychology today. It seems to have generated some controversy in the comments. http://tinyurl.com/4sjhkog

8 Steps You Should Take Before Living with Your Partner

2011-08-02T19:31:32Z

"Do you think my boyfriend and I should live together?" my client asked. I could tell from her bloodshot eyes that she'd been pondering the question all night. What scares you the most?" I asked "Frankly," she said, smiling weakly, "I'm afraid it'll ruin our relationship."

Is Sex Mindless?

2011-08-02T18:46:19Z

You’ll notice an emerging theme both here and in my psychology today blog: Passion isn’t just a feeling; it’s movement. It’s a furtive glance, an inside joke, and yes, it’s middle aged parents planning a date night. The whole reason I wrote the Valentine’s day piece, which reviewed research on the role of behavior in romantic attraction, was to reclaim and celebrate human agency in romance.

Love...Still Blind

2011-02-02T23:48:00Z

Just days after I posted my latest article on Psychology Today, I came across a new study, adding further support to Shakespeare’s famous lines:.... But love is blind and lovers cannot see/The pretty follies that themselves commit;/ For if they could, Cupid himself would blush/ To see me thus transformed to a boy.

Love is Blind...and Numb? Why You Can't Always Feel When Love Hurts

2011-01-07T13:41:13Z

The fMRI has come in handy for researchers wanting to know more about what happens when we're falling in love. In the past, psychologists had to rely entirely on self-report when trying to understand what people feel from one moment to the next. Now we can take a picture. The advent of fMRI technology makes it easier than ever to see what happens to the brain in love.