Talk Free Relationship Fix #1: Touch
Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 06:06PM We’ve always attributed special powers to touch. Our cultural imagination is teeming with images of catastrophic or transformational contact, both sacred and profane. God reaches out to touch Adam and offers the spark of life. Midas touches the world and all becomes still. A mother holds her child’s hand for the very first time and her entire world—everything around her—changes all at once.
I realize that all these images convey a certain (perhaps uncharacteristic) amount of reverence. I’m surprised as I write them. Still, a little reverence might be in order. Whatever we might think of the spiritual themes that moved Michelangelo, there’s no doubt that he was on to something. Every day, more and more research confirms the power of touch; and while it may not bring or take life, it’s certainly the conduit for something powerful.
Let’s take a brief tour of the research findings. Merely touching someone—even a stranger—can increase the chances that they’ll help you when asked. A light touch on the upper arm or shoulder—one of the most common touches in research—is linked with increased persuasion, agreement, and liking. More importantly, touching between partners releases oxytocin, a neurotransmitter (brain chemical and hormone) associated with feelings of trust and relaxation. Every time you and a loved one hold hands or hug--every time you kiss, or cuddle, or snuggle on the couch--oxytocin spills into your nervous system, making you feel calmer, less anxious, more at peace. In short, your world changes.
How about that. Touch can change your world.
Next time you’re feeling tense with your partner, instead of marshalling evidence for why you’re right and s/he’s wrong, why not try to make a little contact? Hold hands. Or better yet—if you can bring yourself to—try a hug. We all know a hug can soften the hardest angry edge. Now we know why. We’re built to deescalate arguments with a simple touch.
Don’t get carried away, though. You still might have a lot of work to do. A hug can’t make all your problems go away—you might even have good reason to be angry—but it can reduce your rage (and stress), and even help you put things in perspective.
So remember all those amazing images. Just don’t paint them on your ceiling. Someone already did that.
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Reader Comments (4)
I Love the Simpsons Michelangelo reference at the end - thanks for the surprise!:-)
Glad you liked it!
Another great tip. Thanks again.
My pleasure. Thanks so much for reading.